YA Urban Fantasy (98 words) needs an extra pair of eyes

Hi, gang. I'm finishing up revisions for my YA Urban Fantasy novel, Nocturne, and I would like it if someone was willing to read it. I'm not asking for edits or anything (actually, I'd prefer if you not do edits unless absolutely necessary since I'm on a tight schedule and already have a critique group), but I just need someone who's a teenager but also familiar with the industry to read through it and tell me what he/she thinks.

The two people who've I have shown the complete manuscript to are my non-writer friends and share similar tastes as me, so I'm not sure if they just like it because they're too much like me, LOL. My critique group is made up of all adults and so far they've only read twenty-or-so pages because it's a relatively new group. So you can see why I'm looking for someone to read it. I'd like it if someone would tell me if a certain plot twist (or detail) would work or not (or be marketable), since so far my manuscript has not been fully read by the trained eye. (My non-writer friends just generally go: OH I THINK THAT'S GREAT! )

Here is the work-in-progress pitch for my novel (the one I submit to contests since I haven't written my query letter yet).

Eighteen-year-old Gabriel Durante has served a demon for seven years as a Conduit, harvesting energy from the dead so the demon can feed on their combined energy from his body. A disastrous fire in a nightclub forces him to confront Ana, a sixteen-year-old self-proclaimed fashionista, who is the sister of one of Gabe's victims and insists on knowing what he did with her brother. After accidentally nearly killing Ana, Gabriel discovers that he is losing his humanity and (unwillingly) teams up with her and the Angel of Death in order to kill the demon that messed up his life.

I totally want to shout "YESYESYES PICK ME PICKMEPRETTYPLEASE!!!!!!" But I can't say whether I would actually be able to look at it with a "This would/n't be marketable" eye. I can definitely TRY, but I'm totally a rookie compared to some of our wonderful other writer teens around here, so...

I'd love to read it for you! If you want to send it to me, my email is [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]. If not, totally feel free to use that to just email me. I LOVE emails.